Ricky: I did something wonderful for you today Lucy.
Lucy: Oh Really Ricky? What? Tell me , tell me, tell me.
Ricky: I went down to the Home Depot and bought you a brand new air condishwashers .
Lucy: That’s Air-Conditioner, Air Conditioner. You didn’t? You bought me an Air Conditioner! Oh, wait until I tell the girls at the bridge club. Boy, will they ever be so jealous.
Ricky: It wasn’t easy you know. I went down and looked at all the different brands. First I had to find em. Who would have ever thought there would be so much stuff in one store. I looked up one “is lee”, then down the other. They had wood. They had plants. They had everything but an air condishwashiners . So, finally I ran into a guy wearing one of “tose” orange jackets. You know the kind that make them look like a giant fruit or somethin. Course he was busy splanin to some construction worker how to build one of tose bird baths in the bathroom. You know that squirts the water.
Lucy: A bidet?
Ricky: Exactly, so I see that this is going to take another 30 minutes of listening to the exciting world of construction. So, I figure there must be more fruits running around the store dressed in tose orange vests. So, there I am going up and down the isleees looking for one fruit that is not busy telling someone, from beginin to end, how to do something. I was just about to give up when, as I was leavin, the biggest orange fruit you ever did see in your whole entire life blocked my path out the door and asked if I needed any help. Well, I said, “I sure do. Can you tell me where I might find an Air Conditioner.” He told me it was just over in the corner. So, I get over to the corner and darn if there wernt five-hundred different kinds of Air Condishwashiners to choose from.
Lucy: They do have the largest selection around ya know. And it’s still Air Conditioner.
Ricky: Oh wait, It’s still not over. I went to check out. There were only two isleees open. Each one was Fifty people deep. I sat the Air condishwashener down while I waited in line. As I am standing there I see that there are ten registers open, they had no one in line but they had no cashinairs. That’s when I noticed that people were coming up and checkins themselves right out of the store. They call it self serve. Well, I could stands in line for another hour, or check myself out. I went over to the self check out, and that’s when the nightmare began. You see I left my readin glasses at home. So I couldn’t read the little fine print on the screen tellin me whats to do. In the meantime a voice keeps comin out of the machin telling me to remove my product from where it was. So, I move the box to the floor, and try again to figure out what I am supposed to do to pay. I started to stick my credit card in the cash receiver. Fortunately, I pulled it out before it went all the way in. Then a lady behind me told me to swip my card. I asked her where do I swiped the card. She pointed to the place where you slided the card. I thought I was done. So, I started to leave. The lady behind me said you need to scan your item. So, I come back and lift the big heavy box onto this little area to scan it. I sit the box down and the machine starts telling me to remove the item from where it was. By this time I don’t know what’s going on. I look at the box,. I look at the machin. I look at the lady who now has 50 people behind her. I said to myself, “Where did all these people come from?” That’s when, the lady who is behind me say’s, “you need to swip your card again.” I said, Well, how do I know I won’t be charged twice for the same item. I already swiped my card.
Lucy: I think you better sit down honey. You look like your going to explode.
Ricky: Explode! I came close, but I didn’t explode. So, that’s when the lady behind me called the service manager over. He scanned a piece of paper to reset the machine and left. By this time, it would have been quicker to have just stood in the line of fifty people. The lady behind be said, scan your card. I looked at her. I thin it was all she could do to keep from falling on the floor laughing heritacally. The sweat is drippin down my face. I am not a bright red like an apple. If people turned orange instead of red you would have thought I worked there. I scanned the card and did the whole thin one more time. The lady behind be kept prompting me what to do. Otherwise, this could have gone on for eternity. So, as I finish up I turn to the lady and said, Old people don’t like change.
Lucy: What happened then.
Ricky: The lady and the fifty other people behind her started laughing histerectally. So, I just grabbed the box and walked out the store vowin never to return.
Lucy: Well, where is the air conditioner? Let’s put it in.
Ricky: There is one small catch Lucy. We can’t. It’s made for a window that goes up and down. Ours goes side to side. That means YOU have to go to Home Depot and get some brackets, duc tape and Plexiglas.
